Bunny Dating (Part 2)

The bunny paradox is that rabbits are both highly social and highly territorial. As prey animals, bunnies are instinctively shy, quiet, and prone to staying out of view. But they must balance this tendency with the simple fact that everyone knows: bunnies loves to make more bunnies. And as it turns out, you need a partner for that.

Daisy has been spayed, so she won't be making any more bunnies any time soon. But to say that doesn't stop her from thinking about it is to say that single people don't think about sex. Daisy's complex psychology is beyond my mere human comprehension, but it's hard to imagine a bunny in her prime who never thinks about whipping out her cell phone to booty call some studly rabbit.

Here's today's rabbit trivia - did you know that intercourse between rabbits lasts an average of 1.5 seconds? Don't be jealous, ladies.

Remember, though, that rabbits will fiercely defend their territory if they feel threatened. When you're at the very bottom of the food chain, it's fair to say that you're already pretty threatened to begin with. Now, in addition to avoiding foxes, wolves, cats, dogs, snakes, owls, eagles, hawks, disgusting East Asian appetites, and Elmer Fudd, you have to deal with some punkass bunny trying to move in on your turf.

That brings us back to Daisy's situation. Bunnies aren't meant to be solitary creatures. They bond with mates (usually of the opposite sex, but there are a few rabbits out there who are a little light in the thumpers), make lots of kits, and typically remain best friends for life. Daisy is a rabbit. Rabbits need buddies. Ergo, Daisy needs a buddy.

Sure, I'm Daisy's buddy. But she could also use a buddy who doesn't mind licking her butt to groom her. I'm not that good of a buddy, and I'm cool with that.

So let's review.

Buddy:













Not a buddy:















In the next entry, Daisy meets three potential suitors... and delivers at least one asskicking.

Bunny Dating: Part 1 (A Valentine's Day Post)

Over the past few weeks, I've begun entertaining the idea of getting a second bunny in order for Daisy to have a playmate during those long mornings and early afternoons when I'm asleep. (Apparently, most people don't sleep from 4AM-noon, including bunnies.). To this end, I've been exploring options for adding a second rabbit.

What I quickly learned is that there are lots of rabbits out there who need homes. This is true for most common pets, of course. But it seems most people don't even realize rabbits can become good pets in the first place. Rabbits love to get their swole on, and as a result the bunny supply is pretty healthy. The demand part, however, is nowhere near what it is for cats or dogs. Many people buy rabbits as babies and return them as soon as they hit sexual matury and start decorating your favorite things with urine (hey, it's a compliment - the bunny likes and wants it, too). This is especially prevalent around springtime and Easter, when the rabbit trade really picks up.

I recently visited the Wake County Animal Shelter to see what bunnies they had in stock and the results were surprising. The so-called "Litter Critter" room - in which all rabbits are housed - was virtually deserted. There were no employees or volunteers in there, and I was the only customer. The rabbits sat there in stacked cages just waiting for visitors. Some had been there for weeks. They all had food, water, and chews, so they weren't being mistreated. Yet it was strange and disconcerting that the busiest animal shelter in the state didn't see more rabbit interest. I even asked one volunteer about the animals and her response was that she "didn't do rabbits."

One rabbit was actually an Eastern Cottontail (i.e. a wild rabbit) that had been caught in a cat trap and brought into the shelter. "Don't go with that one," I was told, "it'll destroy your house." What living creature doesn't? It wasn't exactly a hard sell for an animal that seemed to have the tamest disposition of any of them. He'd been there since November.

If there's anything to be learned from this blog, it's that rabbits are the shit. Nobody wants a rabbit, yet people are obsessed with having more kids than they can possibly support financially or justify environmentally? See my previous post/rant on why bunnies > brats.

If you want to give a meaningful gift for this most commercial of holidays, do two creatures a favor and adopt a bunny. Do it... or face her wrath:

Bunny Blogs vs. Baby Blogs

I've reached the stage in life where many of my friends have decided to settle down and start having kids. Inevitably, these are the friends who once reveled in their late-night antics and bragged incessantly about their studliness. Right now, they're all sitting at home watching reality cooking shows while neatly arranging slobber-logged stuffed animals on the couch. When they are permitted to leave the house, they must leave their gonads at the door as collateral for re-entry.

These are the very men who insist on lording their baby blogs over you and asking you the whereabouts of yours. Deep down, however, they are painfully aware of the patent superiority of rabbit blogs. I feel for these individuals - the cognitive dissonance must truly be a tough pill to swallow. You want a bunny, and instead you get a baby. Such is life.

Baby blogs are touted as an amusing nexus of several popular trends - the rise of domestic dads, the utility of social networking, the catharsis of personal blogging, and the sharp decline of human civilization. Baby bloggers take their roles very seriously, because their babies are each indispensable and worthy of your time and attention. Don't believe it? Just ask them.

What... you don't worship at the altar of my baby blog? "Oh, you don't have kids so you don't understand." Ahh, yes. We've finally arrived at my least favorite phrase of this period of adulthood. "Since you're not also polluting the world with children, this is how you must share my personal hell." Ladies and gentlemen, the power of logic! Let's give it a hand!

Although it seems to be an unnecessary comparison between two things of clearly uneven worth, I thought it would be a good idea to lay out why bunny blogs are simply better than baby blogs. The most direct way of accomplishing this goal is to examine the subjects themselves. Let's see how each measures up to the other.

BABY

Appearance: Wow. Doesn't that look appealing? Not many images make you wonder if you'd be better off being struck deaf, blind, and dumb. Is this what Trent Reznor sees when he closes his eyes?

Hobbies: My hobbies include eating disgusting food, pooping in a bag taped around my waist, drooling over your valued possessions, providing a convenient excuse for you to be homebodies, and not letting you get a hard-earned sleep

Quotes: "waah. Waaaaaah. WAAAAAAAH. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Role: I enjoy controlling every aspect of your remaining days, whether I turn out perfect or horrible. Hey, how come your Facebook profile picture is of you hanging out with your friends? Stop living in the past. Go ahead and change that to a picture of me. It's not like you still serve a purpose anyway.

Best Case Scenario:










Worst Case Scenario: Pick one... or more:

_______________________________________

RABBIT

Appearance: See how even though I'm young, I exhibit advanced motor functions, proper environmental awareness, and a distinct lack of shitting myself?

Hobbies: Eating normal foods, pooping in appropriate locations, playing with cardboard boxes instead of $200 playpens I'll get bored with in ten minutes, fornicating with my best two dozen friends. By six months, I'm twenty years ahead of that other guy.

Quotes: ". . ."

Role: Bein' a bun.

Best Case Scenario:









Worst Case Scenario: Your bunny suffers from an acute case of POTHS, or Pancake On The Head Syndrome - easily prevented by pancake-proofing your home.

_____________________________________

Winner by TKO: Bunny blog! Really, how many baby blogs feature a picture of Peter North? What's that? None.

Hello.

This is Daisy.

And in this blog, I'll be tracking her many adventures. Sometimes these adventures end well for everyone. Sometimes they end well for her, but not for everyone else. Other times, everyone else makes out great - Daisy, not so much. And sometimes they just don't work out for anyone.

I'm starting this blog on February 3, 2011, which is the Chinese New Year. 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit, so this date seemed appropriate. This blog is intended primarily to provide entertainment, but also to educate the reader on rabbits and their odd behaviors.

Daisy was adopted in August 2010 from a very nice young couple who lived in Raleigh but were moving out to the West Coast. Rabbits do not travel well, so they wisely decided to place the rabbit instead of carrying her across the country. After an extended dialogue and a couple of visits, I decided to adopt Daisy and brought her back to her new home in downtown Raleigh.

Daisy is about a year and a quarter in age. The average lifespan for a domestic rabbit is around 5-7 years, so Daisy has plenty of time for more adventures. She was spayed soon after adoption, which resulted in me being kicked out the "posse" until I was able to win her back over (with the small tribute of lots and lots of apples).

Daisy has a physical appearance which usually results in cooing and/or audible laughter. She is lionhead mix, defined by the "mane" of hair around her neck. Because Daisy is a mix and not a purebred, her mane has acquired an unusual shape and looks like a cross between a mullet and muttonchops. Hence, I often describe her hairstyle as "mulletchops."

At her last checkup, Daisy weighed in at a solid 2000 grams, or about 4 pounds. Although Daisy is a small breed rabbit, her veternarian described her, euphemestically, as "meaty." Daisy may or may not be a fatty. Although she is on an appropriate diet, she manages to stay pretty rotund. This is primarily due to the fact that she LOVES to eat. Hay, grasses, herbs, vegetables, fruits - the occasional dropped Cheerio - go ahead and count her down as a huge fan of all of them.

The above information is all you really need to know to appreciate this very quirky rabbit. Stay tuned...