As it turns out, the lady who runs this particular group has, in addition to her full-time job as a vet, lots of experience bonding bunnies and other small mammals. I gave her the rundown on Daisy's background and told her we were looking for a guy bunny for Daisy to meet. I made sure she knew that Daisy was looking in the "strictly platonic" section and wouldn't be breeding any time soon.
We visited the foster mom's place a few weeks ago, Daisy in tow, for some bunny speed-dating. This lady's house was amazing - it was as if a family of four had taken refuge in a PetSmart. The living room was stacked with dog crates holding canines just dying to get out and say hello to Daisy. The small animal room was filled wall-to-wall with cages containing rabbits, guinea pigs, mice, ferrets, and little kids who cried on airplanes. From another room one could hear the incessant squawking of what I assumed to be parrots or conures, but which may in fact have been al-Qaida operatives being interrogated. Amazingly, the place was kept remarkably clean, meaning the foster mom must put in hours of work just to keep her home from being featured on an episode of "Hoarders." I'm pretty sure the Durham county zoning officer shits actual bricks whenever he does his inspection.
At any rate, the foster mom picked out three potential matches:
(1) A very dapper young bunny named Otto O'Leary (favorite drink: Guinness)
(2) A slightly bigger and badder young buck, Java (favorite drink: coffee with Bailey's)
(3) And a charming baby lionhead mix, Butterball (favorite drink: buttery nipple)
All of the encounters took place in a playpen on the living room carpet. Daisy immediately sat herself in the litter box and munched on hay, as if this was Juliet's balcony while she waited for her Romeo. Here's how the dates went:
1. Otto - When Otto was placed into the pen, Daisy became very curious and ran up to him. Poor Otto basically pissed himself when he saw this rather stocky bun charging him for no apparent reason. Daisy shoved her head into his face, which prompted Otto to immediately lower his head down onto the carpet. In the world of bunnies, this behavior is sign language for, "Please God don't hurt me, I'll give you everything, just please don't kick my ass, I'm begging you." Clearly, Daisy felt the need to assert herself.
While the date started well enough, we noticed that whenever Otto approached the litter box, Daisy would start acting all hard. She obviously did not care for him approaching her food source. Otto relented once he realized he wasn't going to get any hay while that huge bitch was around.
The two buns seemed to wear on each other as time went on, and once Daisy chased Otto into the pet carrier and a beatdown seemed imminent, we decided to move on with the experiment.
2. Java - Just a bad match from the start. As soon as Java came into the pen, he and Daisy immediately started kicking each other's asses. He jumped into the box and they chased each other in a tight circle as litter, hay, and fur flew into the air. The whole encounter lasted maybe ten seconds before we pulled Java out, thus ensuring the continued survial of planet Earth.
3. Butterball - Little Butterball was a third of Daisy's size, so we were really worried about her basically tossing him around the cage like a tennis ball. But as it turned out, he seemed like the best match of the three. Although she made him submit almost immediately, things settled down after that and the buns started to do their own thing. Disinterest between rabbits is usually a good thing; like humans, they often play coy and hard to get with each other. Of course, like any good date, this tactic typically ends in mounting.
After Daisy scented Butterball several times (translation: you my bitch), she let him do his own thing while she hopped back into her box to gorge on free hay. She still didn't appreciate him trying to join her in there, but she politely declined his offer by only slightly kicking his ass. She started showing off for him by doing some leg kicks and seemed downright frisky before we decided to call it a day while things were still going well.
Overall, the date with Butterball was a moderate success. By way of analogy to human dates, he had an enjoyable meal and even got to cop an "accidental" feel on the goodnight hug, for which he received a stern talking but avoided a slap in the face. Not that I personally would know anything about those kinds of dates. This is purely hypothetical. Please stop laughing.
Will there be a second date with Butterball? Will Java take out a restraining order on Daisy? Will Otto O'Leary get drunk for St. Patty's Day? Stay tuned...
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